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Title: Duck for the oyster

PAUL McCARTNEY: Pipes Of Peace (Parlophone)

MALCOLM McCLAREN: Duck For The Oyster (Charisma)

I find it touching that since John Lennon’s murder Paul McCartnet seems to want to be a duo again. Stevie Wonder, Michael Jackson – I am expecting a call early in the New Year, but don’t try reversing the charges again, McCartney.

Here though he is alone apart from a cast of thousands and while I am certain that is was made with the best will in the world – think of Linda’s Fortnum’s food parcels to the women of Greenham Common – the combination of an ex-Beatle, a song with ‘Peave’ in the title and an angelic chorus of brats appearing at this time of year adds up to something easily as contrived as any of the above monstrosities. Bah! Humbug!

Does Macolm McLaren consider himself part of the Christmas market? The mind boggles then murmurs an affirmative. The man is, after all, a maker of novelty records. But then is that sad, bloated travesty Johnny Lydon can turn himself into the poor man’s Dorothy Squires there is no reason at all why Malcolm cannot be the new Ray Stevens.