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Title: Mother snogging king of sexrock...
Source: NME
Publish date: October 1, 1994

MOTHER SNOGGING ‘KING OF SEXROCK’ SINGLE OF THE FREAKIN’ MILL-BASTARD-ENNIUM, HOMEBOY!

HOLLY JOHNSON

Legendary Children (All Of Them Queer) (Club Tool)

Good golly Miss Holly divvy disco divas through a long, hard, throbbing list of extremely famous REAL MEN who just happened or happen to be samesexers (COINCIDENCE?!). This is fabulously arch record will no doubt encourage thousands of healthy, normal young British chaps to dress smartly and hang around gymnasiums. My God! The possibilities! Perhaps rampant homosexuality is the only thing that will save us from the seemingly unstoppable spread of Crusty.

TEEN: Mum, er, there’s something you ought to know…

MUM: Yes, Clive?

TEEN: I, um, think I’m gay…

MUM: Never mind dear, so’s your father.

TEEN: …and a crusty…

MUM: YOU STINKING FILTHY DEGENERATE ROTTON PERVERTED SCUM! GET OUT OF MY HOUSE AND NEVER DARKEN MY DOORSTEP AGAIN!

Will Holly follow up with a record featuring a list of famous lesbians? What about famous “heterosexuals”?! Are there any?! Will anybody on this record sue?! And will they play it on Radio 1 IN THE DAYTIME? It’s all rather exciting!