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Title: Holly Johnson's best friend
Source: Rage

HOLLY JOHNSON’S BEST FRIEND

FUNKY

Funky is the coolest poodle in town. What do you say when he gets on the kitchen table? “Get down! Funky” of course. Just like ‘Quiche Lorraine’ (the famous B52’s poodle), Funky is his name and having fun on a grey day is his game. He doesn’t care what clothes you wear. He’ll dance to any record. What the hell!

If you’re good to him, he’ll be good to you. He’ll even sense when you’re feeling down and walk right over and give you a kiss. In fact he’s the nicest person I know. He’s got no concept of ugly or good looking, he won’t discriminate against race, creed or colour. He’s never made a nuclear bomb! In fact he’s taught me a lot.

Funky’s been on television and even has his own record label, he wants to record his own song called ‘Funky Paradise’ with Deee-Lite, his favourite group. He sometimes listens to Pete Tong on the radio, and sheds a doggy tear at Simon Bates’ sad stories. He thinks Pat Sharp should have a haircut. He’s pretty pleased that Margaret Thatcher has resigned. That’s one bitch he never fancied!

Funky’s favourite film is ‘The Lady And The Tramp’. He’s eco-friendly, biodegradable and gets a bath every week, but is not allowed in English restaurants.

He practices safe sex and wears a red coat in the winter. When he sees mounted policemen on the street - he barks! The horses dance.

The symbol of world peace, for a new generation. That’s Funky!

MOST NOTABLE PERSON

The three Deee-Lites for spreading ‘The Power Of Love’ and dressing so well.

WORST EXPERIENCE OF THE YEAR

Appearing on ‘The Word’ was not a good vibe, and it should have been.

TOP TUNES

‘Groove Is In The Heart’ Deee-Lite (they tell it like it is).

‘Tricky Disco’ - GTO (the best bleeps around).

‘There She Goes’ - The La’s (a classic pop moment).

‘Vogue’ - Madonna (as seen on the MTV awards).

TOP TV SHOWS

‘Golden Girls’ and ‘Twin Peaks’.