ZANG TUMMM TUMB ARTICLES “the first draft of history”

Art of Noise and the story of “Peter Gunn”

“It was extraordinary really,” gasps the Art Of Noisess Anne Dudley. “I was phoning J.J. in New York and I was playing him a mix down the phone and we had a crossed line and there was Duane on the other end and he said ‘thats a really interesting sound, Id like to get involved.

Hurrrumppphhh …

“You dont believe me, do you?”

No Bitz does not. Probably because Bitz just spoke to Duane Eddy (a nice honest man) who explained how lots of record company “people” had put the deal together” …

“Oh.”

Obviously not to be trusted, these people.Bitz much prefers Duane …

“Its fantastic, let me tell you. Im having more fun than I did with most of my early hits. I was really worried that all my old fans, the “purists”, would hate the record but theyve taken to it like a duck to water. Id already heard of the Art Of Noise, you know? A friend had played me their stuff because they were instrumental and he thought Id be interested. I certainly was. I was knocked out! They adhere to all the necessary principles of hit instrumentaldom—theyve got their own sound and theyre coming back with new ideas. Its great working with them and hopefully we may do something else together, maybe a movie theme. I love coming over to England—its like a second home and I love the climate. You have weather here—where Im from, all summer its 76 or 78°C—its boring … Anyway, must be going. Bye.”

Bye. What a nice man …

Brrrrrrr brrrrrr …

Oh no. It must be those Art Of Noise people to tell Bitz more lies. Like now they “feel like imposters as pop stars”, waffle about their ambitions (“to carry on longer than a normal pop group and to be more than a normal pop group, to be a phenomenon”), and how theyd spend their money (“new croquet mallets”). Or give their views on Wham! splitting up (“theyre nice boys—Andrew will get into things hes interested in. Like crashing cars”) and Annes work on A-has next single, “Hunting High and Low” (“They asked me because they liked the orchestra on Frankies “The Power Of Love”. Theyre extremely nice, polite, intelligent, talented, handsome … it was a terrible job. No I wont say which my favourite is—Im a happily married woman. Yes, Morten is nice …”)

But frankly Bitz is rather fed up with all this. Dont the Art of Noise ever think up some really good lies?

“Sometimes when Im late I say the rabbits took a long time to feed.”

Do you have any rabbits?

“No. Ridiculous, isnt it?”

Pathetic …

WHOS WHO ON “PETER GUNN”:

DUANE EDDY was born in 1938 in New York and became a megastar in the late ‘50s and early ‘60s with a stream of twangy guitar instrumental hits (one of which was “Peter Gunn”). Hes carried on making a modest living ever since and recently moved to Nashville, the centre of Americas country music “scene”, to become a producer. “Though”, he reckons, “now it looks as if my lifes going to take a big change.”

ANNE DUDLEY plays keyboards in the Art or Noise and is apparently “like a piano—touch sensitive and quite good at tennis”. She also plays on millions of other peoples records—she played keyboards on George Michaels “Careless Whisper” and Wham!s “Young Guns (Go For It)” and has done string arrangements for Frankie Goes To Hollywood A-ha, Lloyd Cole, ABC, Malcolm McLaren and Paul McCartney.

GARY LANGAN twiddles lots or knobs in the studio for the Art or Noise and is “a very good swimmer”. He also engineers for other people—Queen and Elton John—and also has mixed for Nik Kershaw, Hipsway, John Parr, the Dream Academy and so on.

J. J. JECZALIK operates the Fairlight CMI (very complicated machine which steals sounds from all over the place, munches them up and uses them again), in the Art Of Noise and is “an extremely good cricketer and a monster croquet player”. Hes also worked with ABC, Yes, Billy Ocean, Nik Kershaw, Dollar, Frankie Goes To Hollywood and produced Stephen Duffy, the Pet Shop Boys and Godley & Creme.