Personal file : Holly Johnson
NAME: Holly Johnson. That’s what it says on my passport. My birth certificate just says William Johnson—
BORN: 9/2/61 in Liverpool. I don’t know if I was at home or in a hospital. My mother can’t remember the exact time—
DID YOU HAVE ANY NICKNAMES AT SCHOOL? I was called Billy a lot. Nothing else that I’m prepared to admit. (Looks a bit embarrassed) Some of them were really bad. Joyful Johnson was one—
HOW MANY BROTHERS AND SISTERS DO YOU HAVE? Two brothers and a sister. Oh God—
DO YOU HAVE A TV IN YOUR BATHROOM? NO. I don’t want one. I’d spend too long in there I’m bad enough as it is. I have a cactus in there and a Mickey Mouse set of scales. You step on it, it says ‘hyah-hyah-hyah-hyahhyah” and says something about your weight then it says “Pull my nose” and you pull its nose and it’s a tape measure. I got it for Christmas a couple of years ago off Paul Rutherford. What did I get from him this year? Nothing. We haven’t seen each other for quite a while. We’re not not friends, I’d just say no longer do the pathways of our life lead in the same direction.
FIRST CRUSH: Hmmmmmmmmmmm. (Thinks a long while) I don’t know if I can remember.
WHAT COLOUR IS LOVE? What colour is love? Lilac. Because it’s a mixture of pink and blue. (????) And love can be hot, pink and passionate and… er… it can make you very blue. Sometimes.
HAVE YOU EVER MET AN ALIEN? Well… only on Sundays do I ever meet aliens. (????) All of a sudden on a Sunday I get up, go out and buy the papers and there’s all these aliens in my living room wearing sexy rubber gear, whipping each other. (????) I ask them where they’re from, what their brothers’, and sisters’ ages are and things like that. Their planet is technologically rather advanced but everything is light—
WHAT’S THE MOST OBSCURE WORD YOU KNOW? Xanthyophyl. It’s the yellow matter of a plant and no one ever knows what it is when I tell them about it. I think I was interested in chromotography (when you separate chemicals of different “molecular masses”, hem hem) when I was a child and that’s how I know it.
HOW OFTEN DO YOU SEE YOUR MUM? Oh… not as often as I should. That’s all I’m prepared to say. Do I feel guilty about it? Oh yes.
ARE YOU A MILLIONAIRE? No. Nearly? No. It would make life easier but I never paid that much attention to the business aspect—
DO YOU BELIEVE IN GOD? Yes. I believe God is the power of good, basically. All the life forces are combined into this one thing. It’s a kind of energy rather than a being, I think. I haven’t always. When I was 16 or 17 I used to laugh at people who believed in God and think it was a ridiculous con. I still think organised religions are just big businesses. I pray sometimes—
DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS? No, unfortunately, but I’d really like a dog. A Schnautzer or one of those terriers that look like them. They’re very square dogs with little moustaches and big bushy eyebrows—
HAVE YOU BOUGHT ANYTHING IN THE JANUARY SALES? Yes, a couple of things in New York… shirts… a suit. It’s quite a lab suit—
WHAT’S THE SECRET OF THE UNIVERSE? The secret of the universe is not saying horrible things about other people as I have done in the past. I really regret the last interview I did with Smash Hits when I was in Frankie Goes To Hollywood. It was on my birthday a couple of years ago and I was really nasty about The Mission and The Housemartins and I wholly apologise for it. I was in a bad mood that day… or was I in a good mood? I think I was feeling really cocky. I just said things like they’re ugly. Are they? Er… I think that’s irrelevant…
CAN YOU DRAW A PICTURE OF YAZZ? Yes. This is Yazz as I last saw her—