ZANG TUMMM TUMB ARTICLES “the first draft of history”

“Arf Arf!” Its Seal!

He was the tall bloke who sung on Adamskis only No.1 hit “Killer”. He thrilled the world briefly with his “meaningful” facial scars, his spooky chest jewellery and his dangly hair accoutrements! And now hes back with a super new single of his own called “Crazy”, a plasma ball, a cream cheese bagel and a chocolate dip, to tell TOM DOYLE all about his “slammin” world!

REAL NAME: Sealhenry Samuel. I dont know why my parents called me that. My grandparents are from Brazil and theyve all got weird names, so its probably a common Brazilian name. When I was at primary school, they used to make fun out of my name, yknow ‘arf arf arf!, but as I got older and bigger, they cut it out.

BORN: 19/2/63 in Paddington. Its a pretty unmystical place to be born for someone whos been labelled as a mystical person. Ha ha!

WHATS YOUR “PAD” LIKE? Slammin. In a word, its just slammin. Its a one bedroom flat in West London, full of gadgets and hi-tech stuff. Its all completely soundproofed and cut off from the neighbours. Its like a love shack really. Its really quiet and private. Do I live there on my own? Sometimes, just depending on whats going on.

TO QUOTE YOUR LYRICS, WHY DO WE HAVE TO “GET A LITTLE BIT CRAZY” IF WERE TO SURVIVE? Well, yknow. I find that most of the people I talk to are just really tight-arsed about things. When I say you have to be crazy, I mean do things that other people may regard as crazy. Follow your instincts. Just basically going for it. Im not telling people to go out and go mad. Its about doing what you feel, not what people think you should do.

WOULD YOU EVER MAKE A PERVY VIDEO LIKE MADONNA? Yeah, but I wouldnt pretend I was making love, I would do it. You get a better effect. Im not convinced by Madonna. I would have got turned on more if there were shots of her really doing it. (!)

DO YOU “DO THE WEIGHTS”? Work out? No, I dont actually. Its a natural physique. Ha ha! Im going to have to work out pretty soon because Im getting pretty unfit. Bad habits? Ive got loads of bad habits, none of which Im going to tell you about. Ive just been neglecting myself recently. Ideally, Id like to swim every day, but not in this environment, somewhere like the Caribbean or Asia. Theres too much chlorine in the water in the swimming pools here. It makes my skin go funny.

TALKING OF WHICH, WHERE DID YOU GET YOUR WEIRD FACIAL MARKS? They just appeared over a period of about a year, about four years ago.

I was going through a strange time, a mental metamorphosis was occurring. Im proud of them, yeah, absolutely. Theyre there for a reason. Its a secret. (!!)

WHATS IT LIKE BEING SO TALL? Its alright. I dont find it difficult finding shoes or trousers or anything. Im about 6'4". Its good because you dont run into so much hassle with people. You tend to be able to talk your way out of things as opposed to having to resort to physical violence. Not that I ever would because Im not a violent person.

DID YOU HAVE A BIG ROW WITH ADAMSKI? No. I didnt have a big row with Adamski, I had a row with someone at Adamskis record company. I still see Adam all the time, were really good friends, but the papers blew the whole thing out of proportion. Theyve said some real cruel things about Adam, like hes a drug addict and stuff, and I know him well and hes anything but a drug addict. Hes a really nice, caring person.

1: MOST BELOVED FLOWER: Orchids. Theyre just unusual and quite rare. I sometimes have them lying around the house, but really, I dont spend much time at home, so to have plants or animals at home is a bit of a responsibility I cant handle at the moment.

2: MOST ESSENTIAL KITCHEN APPLIANCE: It has to be my Hotpoint digital washing machine. It actually goes and gets the dirty underwear from under your bed, its so advanced! But I couldnt bring it here, so I brought my coffee percolator instead. I love my coffee, and why settle for second best? Real coffee tastes like real coffee, and instant coffee tastes like a poor excuse for coffee.

3: MOST DESIRABLE SWEETIES: Those KP chocolate dips. Im not really fond of sweets. I like them when Im in bed watching the telly or something.

4: TASTIEST SANDWICH: Salmon and cream cheese bagels, with a side serving of scrambled eggs. I have it every Sunday afternoon between 12.00 and 2pm. Its a ritual. Yeah, its a high cholesterol meal, but you only live once, dont you? Its one of the few vices Ive got left. Its very civilised.

5: MOST ATTRACTIVE PHOTO OF SOMEONE ELSE: I like this photo of the singer Joni Mitchell because she looks like a bird just about to take flight. Ive got her CD “Hejira” here — its amazing, the way she paints pictures with songs. Do I worry about looking like a hippy? I am a hippy.

6: FAVOURITE POP STAR EVER: Jimi Hendrix. He was a funky dude with a guitar. Hes really trendy at the moment, so I was reluctant to say he was my favourite pop star because Im not a trendy person. Ive been into his music for years.

7: MOST CHERISHED CUDDLY TOY: A cuddly seal that Adamski bought for me. Ive got a Scalextric set and a water pistol, but I like fluffy toys best. When youre all alone you can cuddle up to them. He bought it from a service station for me when we were on tour. I thought it was sweet. Hes into cuddling toys as well.

8: MOST “DASHING” ITEM OF CLOTHING: Its a cape, its not a jacket. I had it made for me. Its my superhero cape. Youve got to feel like a superhero when you wear it, otherwise you cant handle the cape.

9:MOST “DAZZLING” ITEM OF JEWELLERY: The little silver dolphin in my hair. Ive got lots of bits and pieces of silver in my hair. Im dolphin friendly. I try not to eat tuna as much as I used to because, apparently, theres sometimes bits of dolphin in it.

10: MOST AMAZING PAINTING: This is “Persistence Of Memory” by Salvador Dali. He was an eccentric who seemed to paint from his dreams. The paintings of his that I like most are the surreal ones. They blow my mind.

11: MOST PLAYABLE VIDEOS: Bladerunner (starring a younger Harrison Ford and the spooky bloke off the Guinness ads). Its a really convincing science fiction movie. Well, it convinced me that I was in the future at least.

12: JUICIEST FRUIT: Melons, obviously.

(?) Theyre nice to eat and theyre nice to touch. Im quite into feeling things, actually. I like my melons with honey.