ZANG TUMMM TUMB ARTICLES “the first draft of history”

A scurrilous rumour has just plopped on this desk even as we speak, concerning the devious Malcolm McDuck. Seems that former Rotten Sex Pistols singer Johnny Lydon bet his former minder £250 that hed never get punters dancing to his hoedown sound.

McOyster immediately took him on by bribing a New York DJ £100 to get his tumtables rolling round a hillbilly hop. He then peeled off another couple of ponies and a tortoise as prizes for the best dancers.

By the time the gullible Lydon entered the scene the air was rent to the sound of massed “yeehaws” and slapped thighs. McBuffalo pocketed his profit leaving a distraught Lydon to walk home. God save the Duck…