ZANG TUMMM TUMB ARTICLES “the first draft of history”

How to win some Frankie pencils and other fabulous trifles

Whenever Bitz gets cross and feels like blowing its top—not often, akcheloi, as were terrifically “mild” “mannered”—how does Bitz let off steam? By knocking itself over the head with a pressure cooker and kicking the goldfish? No, siree! All we do is “don” our new Frankie Goes To Hollywood t-shirt—emblazoned with angry words like “Outrage”, “Hardrage”, “Newrage” and “Knuckle Sandwich” (Are you quite sure about the last one?—Ed.) and “strut” about feeling dead hard until our “ire” subsides. Yes, its the therapeutical breakthrough of the century and you could share Bitz‘s bliss by winning one of these special Frankie packs that contain not only the t-shirt but also pencils (!), wristbands (!) and a patch (!!). We have 10 to give away plus 50 “original” 7" copies of “Rage Hard” plus 20 12" copies of “Rage Hard” that are different from the “original” version i.e. they are “remixed” and have a different b-side.

Just write in and tell us, in no more than 50 words, how you would vent your anger if you didnt win this competition.

Answers on the Rev. Ian Paisley to Smash Hits Therapy Contest, 52-55 Carnaby Street, London W1V 1PF. Best answers out of the collection box on October 7 win the stuff.