ZANG TUMMM TUMB ARTICLES “the first draft of history”



Gritty George Michael prepared for Whams trip to China last week by coming on to shake a tail feather with Frankie at Hammersmith Odeon. Georgey boy hopped rabbit-like from side to side of the stage yelling “Relax” into any microphone he could find.

Afterwards George retired to the Chelsea Holiday Inn with the band. Asked to comment on his performance Michael said: “I felt like a spare part at a wedding”. George, or Ultrabrite as The Lads call him, wasnt exactly thrilled at the prospect of Whams China and Japan jaunt and spent much of the night groaning at the prospect of flying: “Im fed up with it”, packing: “God knows what Ill be able to wear”, several days of Chinese food: “cant stand it” and worst of all having to stay in the same hotel as the thousands of Fleet Street hacks out in Peking to dish the dirt every time Andrew Ridgeley agrees to judge bottoms at the Chinese Rugby Club.

George and the Frankie lads then whizzed off to Legends Club

discussing the various merits of limos with leather seats over those with cheapo plastic ones. Other stars who went to see Frankie at Hammy were Elton John and David Bowie, who has since been cavorting around town with Mick Jagger.

But far more swoonworthy, was apprentice American hunk Matt Dillon, who turned up after a pint of “Bitter” in the local Duke of Cornwall…

There was much scampering around at the Paul Young party last week, where Paul and his band were presented with ‘quadruple platinum award discs for 1.2 million sales of ‘No Parlez in the UK.

The party was held in a Hampstead restaurant decked out like a scene from Pauls favourite film Harvey, with beds and straitjackets replacing more conventional tables and chairs.

The likes of Andy Taylor, Bob Geldot, Gary Glitter, Billy Connolly, Roger Taylor, Nick Heyward and Les Nemes (in wind-up mood) and Haywoode were all tended to by Pythonesque surgeons and nurses who looked like theyd stepped off the set of a Carry On film.

To everyones relief a gargantuan Alison Moyet did not go into labour.

It was all a bit much for Pauls parents, who were looking forward to dossing on Pauls floor for the night.

Mr Young Senior put the highlight of the evening as meeting Coronation Streets Eddie Yates, (actor Geoffrey Hughes), who was last seen scoffing all the chocolate Easter bunnies meant as farewell gifts for the patients, er, guests.

Paul Young is keen to duet with Alison Moyet we hear.

“A lot of duets have been offered me and I just say ‘I dont know to all of them, but there have been a couple that are very interesting, so you could see a duet in the future.

“I wont say who the closest one is, but I fancy doing something with Chrissie Hynde at some point. Alison Moyet seems the obvious choice cos shes on my label. Someone mentioned Sade. Chaka Khans also been mentioned. So have Aretha Franklin and Dusty Springfield…”

Must be something in the spring air because Glenn Gregory and Claudia from Propaganda have also recorded a duet. Theirs is like that Cocker and Warnes thingy, and its called ‘When Your Heart Runs Out Of Time. A Country and Western caterwaul of all things!…

Spandau Ballet are having a whale of a time down under. Aussie tour promoters have arranged for some 60 models to be around the group at every hotel, gig, party. What for, says Whispers?

Perry Haines has also been hobnobbing with blue blooded ravers. At a recent soiree the King manager attended he was unfortunate enough to sustain that most embarrassing of injuries, a splinter in the backside. But never fear! On hand was a luscious Princess of Yugoslavia, Countess Vladlmira of Belgrade who whisked him off to the powder room and removed the offending timber. Yow!

Even more absurd but equally true is the news that Adam Ant will play the lead role of Sloane, the bisexual anti-hero of Joe Ortons Entertaining Mr Sloane at the Manchester Royal Exchange soon. Nice one!…

Film buffs will be pleased to know that The Pogues video for ‘A Pair Of Eyes has been made with the tab director Alex Cox of Repo Man glory, and they will be beside themselves with glee to learn Cyndi Lauper contributes a song called ‘Good Enough to the next Spielberg movie Goonies.

Good quote from Morrissey: “One mustnt imagine that if Id been brought up on breakdancing and Stephen Spielberg Id necessarily have been a fascinating person.” Quite right mate…

Bruce Springateen summed up the USA For Africa recording session which American top mag Newsweek called the ultimate recording session even by Hollywood standards: “Any time somebody asks you to take one night of your life to help people who are starving to death its pretty hard to say no…”

“Meeeeeeeniiiiiiiaaaaarrrgh… yeeeeaaaaw… huh… relax… ow! Dont do it! Ow! Look, knock it off willya George?”

“You scratch my back, Paul, and Ill scratch yours.”

Julian Lennon hysteria has hit America where Jules is covering The Beatles ‘Day Tripper as part of his live set. It may turn up as a B-side here soon. Young lennon has a few superstitious habits when he plays live. For instance, he insists on his band wearing odd socks during performance and checks them all personally before playing. Daft Haporth.

The Hard Rock Cafe played host last week to the opening of Europes first Rock n Roll Museum. The night was co-hosted by NBC, the American radio network, to launch the first of its planned satellite broadcast link-ups between London and America.

To celebrate this historic occasion, or maybe just to guzzle the giggling gas, a whole host of pop personalities turned up. Nik Kershaw and Sheri his wife, Bill Wyman and his son. Frankie weret there, neither were David Bowie, Mick Jagger, or Whispers but we did dispatch a minion, bright and bushy tailed, to tell us that Bananarama and some old duffer called Eric Burdon were involved in a contretemps involving the spraying of champagne. Tut, tut.

Another triff quote this time from Daryl Hall on the USA For Africa record: “Obviously we dont have any cure for cancer but sometimes we have cures for the cancers in society — this hunger is certainly the most pressing one now”.